GUEST: Greg Middleton, Author of Real Men

Dysfunctional Male Syndrome

By: Greg Middleton – Author of “Real Men”

Let’s just face it fellows, we have so many dysfunctions built within our operating systems that we wouldn’t know where to start when it comes to fixing us. Imagine just how complicated are human being? If you disassembled us and attempted only to put back in the healthy working parts, many defective parts would not be placed back into the average male. So far we aren’t addressing females. Whatever we are as far as being complicated beings, females are probably twice as much, or more complicated.

Imagine an old classic 1958 Chevy that had been sitting behind the garage for 40 years. In order to fix that car you would have to start by disassembling it, taking out all the disintegrated defective parts and putting it back together with new ones that work. In order to fix us to the degree that we would be perfected we would need to likewise replace many of our dysfunctional parts.

Why are we the way we are? There are many factors that are responsible for each individual being the way they are. Genetics, parenting, immediate environment, or the lack of certain nurturing as we were developing made us turn out the way we did. We may even say that bad or good karma also has a role in making people the way they are. Regardless to the reasons, people are as they are. In order to improve upon what they are, it requires going through an analytical process of discovery and re-doing. First you need to see what is actually there, and then determine whether what’s there is either good or bad, according to what you consider to be ideal. After analyzing things then you need to fix what’s not working. In a way we are like machines that require regular maintenance in order for us to work as good as possible.

Just how screwed up is the ordinary male? There is a no cookie-cutter mold that would fit most males, but to various degrees most are screwed up in certain ways. Even the ones we think are saints aren’t really all that good. Part of the problem is the image we are expected to fit within. We are told that males shouldn’t cry or otherwise express their emotions outwardly. We are trained that it’s a sign of weakness to admit when you have a problem. We are told to stand tall and be a man in front of the weaker sex and don’t allow them to push you around. We are taught to put on a false image of yourself even if it goes against what you really feel. If we are so busy trying to be something that we know we cannot match up to, just how screwed up is that?

It’s true that society has this image of what it considers to be a “real man,” but that image is based upon mostly false concepts. The images we see of men in the media are mostly made up in some writer’s imagination. The images we see of famous men are usually the filtered version of the real person. Even though we think we know famous people because we see them so often in the media, in truth we really don’t know them. They hire PR firms to paint the image they want you to see. In the movies a screenwriter makes up the image they want the character to portray. What we see is the glorified version of fictional people or the watered down version of real people; that’s what we try to imitate.

In order to address our many dysfunctions we need to dismantle the façade and start re-building our images based upon solid moralistic principles. Start with truth, fairness, justice, righteousness, compassion, love, joy, kindness, courtesy, peace, patience, will power, self-control, or whatever traits that you deem to be wholesome and true. Look into your own being and bring out the best qualities that you feel best represents the authentic self in you. Don’t worry about what others think of you as much as what you think of yourself. Remember, you have to live with you 24/7 and every moment of your life. Don’t you think your opinions of yourself should matter at least as much as the opinions of others?

Treat yourself as you would an old classic car that you’d like to restore. Take out all the defective parts and replace them with parts that work. Stop chasing idols that are based upon false images or mythological characters. They aren’t real… you are! If you don’t realize your many dysfunctions ask your real friends to be honest with you and tell you about your many weaknesses and faults. If they are real friends they will tell you the truth. If they are just phony people then you know that you need to find real friends.

Our dysfunctions can only stay with us if we hold on to them like unwanted warts. Forget about what others think long enough to remember what you really care about. Start working on “you” and don’t stop the project until you have rebuilt a real character that is the best version of you. Take a good look in the mirror and see if you like the person that’s looking at you back. If not then change, real change, starts at home. It starts with you taking control over the “self” and stop allowing others to tell you “who” you are. If you don’t like your dysfunctions then you are the only captain of your ship. Change starts with you. Let’s get rid of this dysfunctional male syndrome, especially in ourselves.

ABOUT GREG MIDDLETON

Writing came to this author totally by surprise. God planted an urge in Greg to search for Him during the fall of 1999. That search led to a constant reading appetite of various spiritual, religious, inspirational, and even metaphysical subjects. After reading so much material he began taking notes of his many late night sessions in order to remember what he was learning. He later began expressing his personal views of what he was digesting and recorded it in his journal. This collection of notes became the pages of his first book, In Search of the Soul. It was published in 2002 by Dorrance Publishing Company.

From his first book Greg continued to read and record his thoughts and opinions as they were developing. Since that first book he has been writing feverishly ever since. His second book Pearls of Wisdom, was published in 2003 by GEM Publications. Cold Tree Press published his third book, Food for the Soul in early 2005. His goal is to get as many of his completed works as possible into the hands of the readers whom they were intended to inspire.

In addition to being a writer, Greg is also a professional musician, Realtor, and a Professional Seminar Speaker. He and his wife Cynthia make their “Empty Nest” home in Altadena, California, and are ready to start on Phase Two, enjoying the grandchildren. Be on the lookout for more works from this prolific writer in the years to come.

You can find Greg online at www.gregemiddleton.com. For more information about Real Men and Real Men Seminars, please visit http://realmenseminars.com/

THE BOOK: REAL MEN

Real Men is a book about the plight of males over the last century, how they have become displaced by the changes in our society and lost of a distinct role.

Over the past few decades something is seriously shifting in the way men are operating within our society. Men are no longer the undisputed heads of the household or the family. Women have equal rights under the law and can compete against men for some of the better and higher paying jobs. Without a decided edge men are loosing their “king of the hill” status. Something must be done to at least redefine the role men should play. Whatever that role eventually becomes men will most certainly need to make adjustments from the way things were done in the past.

An Excerpt from REAL MEN

MARS AND VENUS CONCEPT

Much has been written and spoken about the differences between how males and females operate. It is not by accident that we have a different basic operating system. For example, we build motor vehicles as a means of transportation. We build calculators to assist us in computing numerical equations. One would not expect a calculator to serve as a means of transportation because it was not built for that purpose. In a broader sense, men and women were designed (built) for different purposes. From a design prospective, women were given operating systems to enhance the purposes of which they were created (built): Men were likewise.

For example, women were given the ability to conceive and have babies. They were also given the trait of nurturing and caring for their young. Part of their traits and operating systems were built around their design and purpose. This is not to say that women were only built for the purpose of having babies, it means that it is a unique function to them that men do not have. Since this function is unique to females, it is only natural that men are not equal to women in such capacities. Men were built to serve other functions within the human species of which the protectors and providers were arguably two of the traits that were uniquely designed within them. This does not mean that women cannot be good providers or protectors of the family, but that certain traits within their operating systems were not specifically geared for that purpose. Regardless as to how we choose to operate within humanity, we cannot ignore the fact that certain traits seem to be more prevalent in a particular gender than in the other.

Even in stating this supposition, it does not mean that people can't do as they choose. This is where free will comes into play. There are times when necessity makes the choice against what one may wish or hope to choose otherwise. With single-parent families on the rise many females are left with the total burden of raising and providing for their children. Regardless to what is natural, or the intended design specifications, once children are born into the world someone has to provide, care, protect, nurture, and otherwise raise them. In the absence of having both male and female guardians someone will have to do what is necessary. One gender, usually the female, will have to assume both roles and do as best as they can under the circumstances. Even though it may not have been a conscious choice to be in that situation, necessity dictates a different set of rules that must be obeyed.

In reference to the natural design regarding gender differences, we must understand that even though the design was different and the roles and purposes were different, at the end of the day, necessity and free will dominates the table. Understanding the differences between the natural, unique designs of the genders should assist us in relating to each other and affectively doing the jobs we find before us. Understanding your function and carrying out that purpose is part of your birthright. How you carry out your particular assignment is personal. It has a lot to do with the authentic person that resides in your shell called a human being. Even though we may not realize it, or consciously know it to be true, there is a power and a force in the universe that is far greater than we are. Individually we will die at a given point, but life carries on. A question we should inquire of ourselves is, when that final breath is taken, did you do your best with the plate that was placed before you.

Although this topic is specifically geared toward defining a real man, on a wider view we should be looking at becoming the most genuine person we are capable of being. With that as our primary goal, our natural given abilities will excel in the manner in which they were intended. Gender should not be an issue that we allow to create separation or dissention. Males and females were built for one another, as a hand and glove, to be the caretakers of this planet. If we abide by the natural order it will serve us well. If we do not, then the consequences will be on our shoulders.

Excerpted from REAL MEN by Greg E. Middleton Copyright © 2009 by Greg E. Middleton. Excerpted by permission.

All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

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